No, I Really Don't Believe You...

I was pretty sure I had cancer.  Granted, I think I have cancer all the time, but this time I was certain.  For weeks I was tired all the time.  Especially at night.  I just didn't feel myself.  Micah kept assuring me it wasn't cancer.  He thought maybe I was depressed from every adoption disaster we had occurred.  I was sure he was right, but Tuesday night it was really bad.  So bad that Micah started talking about taking me to the doctor.  When I told them (the doctors) I thought I had cancer...I was sure they would laugh at me.  I told Micah, no.  My OB appointment was in a week, and I am sure she could help with things then.

The next night I felt even worse.  This time I was really nauseated.  Hum.  It almost as if I was pregnant. Impossible.  But, by 10pm I was telling Micah to go and get me a pregnancy test.  When he asked me if I was sure...I said no.  Its okay.  The last thing I needed was more disappointment.

But on Thursday...I took a little trip to Target.  My goal, to buy a pregnancy test.  The complication, I was with my mom.  I was able to sneak away for about 2 min, but it took me about 1.5 min to find the right aisle.  I was scared out of my mind, my mom would find me.  So, I didn't really look at what they did, I just grabbed several and tried to hide them as best as I could in my basket.

Eventually I was able to sneak the pregnancy tests all the way out to the car and into her house.  (Don't worry, I did pay for them:)  I went all the way up to my mom's bathroom to take the test.  Somewhere little boys wouldn't come to find me.  I took the first test...

What does that mean?  Yes, there are two lines, but one of them is fainter than the other.  Am I pregnant?It must be negative.  I reread all the instructions twice.  Still confused.  Decided over the course of a couple hours to take two more.  This was dumb.  I still didn't understand what it meant if one line was fainter than the other.  Does it mean you are kinda pregnant.  Luckily! There was one pregnancy test left.  This one was digital and told you YES+ or No-.  Finally, a test that would answer all of my questions.  So I went and drank another gallon of water and took my fourth test...

I just laughed.  Honestly, that was my emotion.  I sat there and laughed for a good while.  Then I went and looked up online how you can fake a pregnancy test.  I was sure I had done something wrong.  After my research, I realized it would have been very hard to do...so I went and took a drive.  I needed to make a call.

Did I call my husband?  Nope.  I had no idea what I would say to him.  I called my doctor.  I explained to her nurse I was sure my tests were wrong.  After a short hold, she told me Dr. Brown wanted me to come in right then to take a blood test.  If it was positive, I would go back in for another test on Saturday.  By this time it was already 3:30 in the afternoon.  As I was getting my blood drawn, I asked the nurse when I would find out the results.  She said not until the next day, but then looked at my request and said Dr. Brown put an extra rush on my results.  (Only she would.  She is the best.)

I went home and waited for the call.  It finally came.  They waited just for my results.  My heart sank when I answered the phone.  I was terrified to hear what was said.  She joyfully told me that there was no doubt I was pregnant.  My HCG levels were so high I wouldn't even need to come in for a second test.  Tears of joy streamed down my face...and again, I started to laugh.  No, I really don't believe this is happening.

When Micah came home that night, he knew something was up.  I couldn't stop smiling.  As I told my wonderful, handsome husband, he did what I knew he would.  He cried.  And cried.  And kept asking me if I was serious.  We didn't talk about it the rest of the night.  I think we were too scared.  Too scared it wasn't true.  Too scared of what might happen.  Too scared it was a dream...because it was a really good dream.