Happy Birthday Even Though We Are Missing You...

Friday was Que's birthday.  All week I wondered how I would handle the day and honestly, I did a lot worse than I thought.  It was a tough day.  It should have been like any other day, but it wasn't.

Que was extremely passionate about his birthday.  I kept thinking about what he would have wanted to be doing.  What he would have liked and what he would not have liked.  Que would not have liked that Lindsey's wedding was next week.  I don't even know if HATE is strong enough word.  It was quite silly though, because if Que was here on Earth he would be starting his second year of his mission.  He wouldn't be at home.  If he were here, my life would not be the same.  I am not the same.  I wouldn't have the compassion that I have now.  I don't know if I would have my boys.  My parents would be different.  So many things would be different.

I think the day was hard because my heart just ached for him.  I missed him.  I still miss him.  I know he is with me all the time.  I KNOW that he has sent these two precious boys to me.  I have them because of Que.  But it is still hard because I want both.  I want my boys and my brother.  I want see Que's face when Beckham walks in the door.  I to touch his crazy thick hair.  I want my husband and my dad to have someone to go play golf with.

Allie and I started out the day taking the boys swimming.  Beck and I swam for almost 2 hours.  (This is something Que would have liked.)  After swimming, my mom gave each of the boys a spiderman cupcake and each boy got to pick out his own candle to blow out.  Boy did they love that!  Then, we went up to Que's grave.  We gave each of the boys a different colored balloon to send to heaven.  I got two extra's just incase one popped or we lost one.  Even that didn't help.  By the time we got to the part to send the balloons to heaven, we were already down to only two balloon.  (Note to self: Next year tie the balloons on the wrists.)  I tried to take some pictures, which I did in the wrong light, but what can you do?

The four boys.  

Me, Beck, and baby Yoda in my tummy...

(Notice the giant sunflower?  Beckham gave that to Que.)

Allie and her wild and crazies...

The married couple to be...

My parents and the joys (and terrors) of their lives...

Lindsey chose to go take her endowments out of Que's birthday.  It was really touching.  For those of you that don't know, we really debated waiting to do Que's work when Lindsey was endowed, but in the end we did it earlier knowing that he would be on the other side of the veil waiting for her.  I am sure my brother loved having us all there...

(Note to self: NEVER go to another session at Jordan River when you are this pregnant.  I was so so so hot.  Allie kept laughing at me because I had sweat rolling down my face, neck, and so one.  My cute family tried to fan me, but what do you fan me with in a session?  Apparently it wasn't just me that was hot.  After, many people came up to me to tell me it was ridiculously hot.)

We finished the night off with dinner at Kneaders.  This made me smile, because of all the places we could go...Que would have been FURIOUS with this choice.  Haha.  Hope you ate what you wanted in Heaven;)  Happy Birthday.  I love you, and miss you incredibly:)