Growing...

Remember when I said there were somethings I have been working on. This is one of them...

I don't really know where to begin or what to say. I have been thinking about this post for quite awhile. Waiting and waiting until we can finally post it, and now that the time has come I really don't know what to say.

When Micah and I first decided on adoption, even before we had Beckham, we thought we would only do it once. However, as soon as Beckham was born, we both felt this overwhelming feeling that we needed to adopt again. I wanted another child about six months after we had Beckham, but adoption law requires that we wait one year before we could put our papers in again. We believed that the day Beckham turned one we would have all of our paperwork done.

Well, miscommunication and lots and lots of time later, we were finally approved for adoption last Wednesday. It makes me really nervous and scared. "Why has it taken us 5+ months to get everything done this time?" "Does is mean we are not suppose to adopt?" "How long until we hear anything?" "When will our second child come?" These are all the thoughts that tumble around my head day after day.

I think it all started because I know that adoption is not easy. It is extremely hard with a lot of emotions involved. There is time and a lot of money. My social worker relayed this story to us a couple weeks ago, "a couple was at the hospital waiting to hear if there birth mother signed the relinquishment over her baby. It would be the couples third adoption. They were wealthy and could afford to adopt baby after baby, but both adoptive parents broke down at the hospital. The husband said through his tears that he didn't understand why they wanted to do this again. The pain and fear is so intense. They had said their second adoption was their last, but here they were again." That is how I feel.

After all of this, however, I do know that adoption is a great miracle. You cannot look at my little Beckham and not tell me he was always suppose to be part of our family. It is this thought that I hold on to when I wonder if we are doing the right thing. Everyone has challenges and stories to tell about life. This is mine. Adoption is incredibly hard, but it is how Micah and I are lovingly growing our family.

So here we are again. In many ways, last time was easier. We didn't have this waiting game. Now, whenever the phone rings, I get a pit in my stomach. Whenever I get a notice I have an email, same thing. Is this how its going to be? It is this reason that I am incredibly jealous of all of my pregnant friends and family. (I guess there are many other reasons too.)

Micah and I have been praying for our birth mother since January. We know she is out there. We know she is confused and hurting for many different reasons. We love her and we haven't even met her. There were many coincidences that led us to find our first birth mother. We are hoping that some more coincidences will lead us to find our next. Below is an image. If you want, you can add the picture to your own blogs and link it to our adoption blog wishinghopingwaitingpraying.blogspot.com. Instead of making this blog public, Micah and I have opted to make a new adoption blog. We will take some of our posts here and place them there along with general information about our family.

So...Please remember us if you happen upon someone that is pregnant and considering adoption. Our social worker keeps reminding us that spreading the word is our best chance at adoption:)