Rest Your Head...

Last night Allie and I went to Critter's viewing. (Special shout out to Sar for watching my boys so we could go in peace.)  All in all we think we did pretty good.  Tears were shed, but we didn't bawl the whole time:)  It was really good to see Niki and Jason and see they were holding up okay.

Today was the funeral.  I am feeling much much better.  I will say that I cried, and cried, but by the time we got back for the luncheon...I felt at peace.

Here of some of the memories I want to remember...

Right after the family prayer, Jason broke down in his dad's embrace.  It was heartbreaking to watch.  I wanted to take all the hurt away. I could imagine a little boy wanting his dad to hug him and make everything all better.

It was hard watching Critter's brothers say good bye and then turn to there mother for comfort while she was hurting too.

Then there was the care and attention Jason gave Critter while placing Critter's favorite stuffed animals all around him.  Here was a dad saying good bye to his little boy, at least for a little while, and he did it so tenderly...just as I am sure that he did every night.  There are certain things I remember about Quentin's funeral, and saying good bye one last time is one of them.  It is very hard to do.

The funeral was beautiful.  Jason and Niki spoke together.  I love what they said... they stood up there together, hand in hand, just like they had been through this whole ordeal.  What a testament of the love and care they share.  They shared some fun little stories about Critter.  About little moments they remembered the last times they spent with him.  About his nickname and Critter walking around the house saying, "Where did my hair go?"  (I could imagine Beckham doing many of the same things.)

I LOVED the musical number.  So beautiful.

My cousin Heather spoke and compared how our Father in Heaven feels when we are hurting to a mother taking her child in for a flu shot.

Up at the cemetery, I was reminded again was a sweet little boy Critter was as they carried his tiny white coffin.

And finally, back at the luncheon, I watched pictures of Critter growing up.  There were several of him as a little baby.  Niki holding him in a bjorn, and my heart ached as I saw how happy she was.  Completely oblivious to what was in store.  And it made me think...we would take on the trials if we knew what they were before?  Would she do things differently if she knew she only had him for such a short time?

As I left the funeral feeling a little better, I was quickly reminded that their hurt was only beginning.  When Quentin passed away, I think we were lifted up and carried through the funeral.  I think I comforted people more then I needed comforting...and afterwards...they went home and went on with their lives...but its like my life stood still.  The pain did not ease as everyone else's had.  It took time.  A whole lot of time...but slowly the ebbs and flows of grief got further and further apart and I finally saw a light at the end of the dark tunnel.  I pray that Jason and Niki see the light soon.  That they will feel the love Critter has for them and our Father in Heaven, but for now...I will pray continue to pray that their hearts will be lightened.