2008 In Review

I love the start of a new year; however, this new start was very much needed. I am not saying that 2008 didn’t have some great parts, it did; however, I don’t know if I will ever experience a harder year. Most know why this year was so hard, but I think some would be surprised of all that happened. So let me take you back…

First, I won Customer Service Manager of the year. I was so excited. Down deep inside I had always wanted this, but it was one of those dreams you keep to yourself. You don’t want to disappoint yourself, let alone someone else. With this award came a five day trip of my choice. Micah and I ultimately chose to go to Oahu, Hawaii, but I will tell about later.


In April, Micah and I went with my parents to Maui, which is just the best place in the world. I actually gave Micah the trip as a gift for Valentines Day, and that made it even more special. We spent most of the time just hanging out by the pool and reading. It is such a beautiful place.



In June, Micah and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. We went to Chicago, which is a great city. I was amazed at the tall skyscrapers, and I loved the shopping on Michigan Avenue. Micah gave me a beautiful anniversary band, and I gave Micah a watch that was engraved with “not a day less will do.” Oh, it was so perfect! If you don’t know, Micah proposed to me by learning to play the guitar and singing Ben Harper’s “Forever.” My wedding band is inscribed with “give me your forever,” so I loved the idea that I was able to give Micah something as meaningful by placing that inscription on the watch.

August really started the downward spiral. It began with Allie and the boys coming out from Omaha. It is always the best time when they are here, but little did I know their time here would mean so much to me. I think the last time my family was all together was at Que’s birthday dinner. How ironic? We all went to PF Chang’s down town. I remember it so clearly. I remember the middle of August, we found out Que made the golf team. When my dad called to tell me the news, I was so happy. Seriously it was the best. My family knew how much it meant to him. I ordered him a golf cake from Simply Bundt Cakes. That night I took the last picture I would ever take of him. Later on that month my parents went to Europe on a cruise for two weeks. I have a hard time being without them, and this time was especially hard, but more on that later. At the end of September, my mom was trying to talk all of us into going to St. George to see her run the marathon on October 4th. I really wanted to go. Lindsey and Que were going to go too. I was excited. I could go shopping in Vegas for a day. It would be great. At the last minute, all of the kids kind of backed out. Was it fate or a big mistake I don’t know? The next day, October 4th I found out Que had passed away.

I have had many people pass away. I have had four grandparents pass away. I have had two uncles pass away. I thought I knew death. Trust me when I say, you think you know what death feels like, but you have no idea until you experience the death of someone you saw every day. All the deaths I had experienced before hurt, but when Que passed away the pain was unimaginable. At the funeral my father compared the pain to being shot several times. He said the pain went beyond mental, it physical. That is how it is for me. The most intense pain you can imagine. At first I was so mad at Que. I was so hurt. I was hurt that I didn’t know how he was feeling. I was mad at Que for hurting Lindsey so much, for being so selfish. At the same time I was happy. I was happy that I will see him again. I am happy that I know he is always with me. I am happy because I know he is at peace.

After a week away from work, I had to go back. I needed to start living my life again. That was very hard for me, and it still is, three months later. Que is never far from my thoughts. Some days I get up and go to work and just try and live through the day to the point I can go home and think about Que. Most people don’t ask about it, and that is okay. Its kind of an awkward thing, but at the same time Que is consistently on my mind. People ask how I am doing. I don’t know what to say because the real answer is that I am here in one way or another, but I still hurt.

Two weeks after Que passed away was the trip to Hawaii that I had won. I was torn whether to go or not, and finally decided to go. The trip was hard because it involved a lot of grieving, but it was also hard because I really didn’t like Oahu. The island just doesn’t seem like the Hawaii I have in my mind. The place we stayed was very nice, but anywhere else you go just seems like California. In Maui it is just so tropical and beautiful. There are all of these local places to eat, and Oahu is very commercialized. It was great because the bank paid for it, but I don’t think I will go back.

When I got back to work, the whirlwind never stopped. One of my best friends, and boss, Ryan Sorenson, was promoted to be the new manager at the Riverton Office. This left his position, as Branch Manager of the Brighton Office, open. I decided to take the plunge and apply. I knew the competition would be steep, but it was something I wanted. On Halloween, they made the offer to me! It was fantastic! I am still a little nervous at my new job, but I will get the hang of it soon.

In November we went to Orlando with the Henderson clan. There were 11 of us in total. We all stayed in two rooms, so it was very tight quarters, but I loved it. I went running every morning and went to the theme parks during the day. I loved spending so much time with my nephews. Jackson loves “Mickey’s House.” Jackson also loves superheroes, so I could resist getting his face painted like one.

I know that all of you know how much I love my nephews because they are all that I talk about. Allie was eight months pregnant when we went to Orlando. We started getting worried that Allie wouldn’t have her baby before Christmas. If she didn’t then she probably would not have come out to Utah for Christmas. However, Easton Evers made his debut on December 13, and it was such a relief. It was so much fun with the little boys here, because no matter what this Christmas season was really hard without Que. My family was given the most beautiful quilt and teddy bears made out of Que’s clothes. It was a hard Christmas, but I really felt the Christmas spirit.

This New Year’s Eve was also a special celebration because my dad turned 50! Of course it is my mother’s birthday too, but she was outshined a bit by my dad this year. All and all we had a good time playing a card game called Nert, even though Allie and Mitch beat everyone!

Most of you probably knew most of the things I listed above. However, there is one big secret Micah and I have been holding on to. It is another reason why 2008 will not be remembered as a great year. Well…Micah and I think we have done a pretty good job at making people think we were waiting to have children. We really were waiting to have children for awhile. You all know I am such a planner, and I always said I wanted to wait five years, I wanted to wait till Micah was 30, I wanted to wait until we remodeled our home, I wanted to wait…well the list could go on and on. In reality, I tried to pregnant in December 2006. For the first couple months I didn’t tell Micah. I wanted to surprise him for his birthday. Micah had wanted to have children for a really long time. I thought it would just happen….but, it didn’t. I wasn’t too worried, but by August we really started trying hard. By about March 2008 I knew something was wrong. After some tests my doctor called to say that we had a problem with sperm, and that it was very unlikely that we would be able to pregnant naturally. In fact, they said artificial insemination was not even an option. They gave us the number to the University of Utah’s fertility clinic, and waited until July to see a doctor. Dr. Peterson was our doctor and he was just fabulous, but told us that really the only way Micah and I could conceive was through invitro fertilization. So, we had to pony up about $13,000 plus a couple thousand for medication, and I started my first invitro cycle. This cycle included about 59 shots. We really thought it would work. Well…on September 15 we were told that we were not pregnant. We were really devastated. Two weeks later, Que passed away. My heart was so broken. I started thinking, that if I had gotten pregnant than I would have been about five weeks along when Que passed away. I don’t know if my body could have handled it, so we decided it was a blessing and chose to try other cycle again. I started the process again the end of October. This time my body was not responding as well to the medication. On top of it, I really couldn’t tell my employees I was going on another vacation, but I didn’t want to tell them what I was doing either. I opted to tell them I was having “minor” surgery. I think my employees thought I was crazy. I felt so bad, but I really wanted to have a baby. So…we did the whole process again. This time, Micah and I had a game plan if it failed…we would try a sperm donor. On December 3rd was our transfer and on December 10th I started spotting. I couldn’t take the pregnancy test for another week, but I just knew I was not pregnant. I went from the bathroom to my office and called LDS services. We always knew adoption was an option, but it was not one we had really thought about. However, as soon as I saw I was spotting, I just knew Micah and I were supposed to adopt. When I called LDS services they let me know that the orientation class was only once a month and we were in luck! It was on Friday! For the first time in two years, I felt at peace. In many of the books on death it talks about how some members of a family may die early in order to perform work behind the veil. When Que passed away he did not know we were trying to conceive, but when he got to heaven I know he saw the desires of our hearts and knew how much we wanted children. I also know how much Que loves children, so I believe it was very hard for him to watch Micah and I go through another cycle of invitro because he knew it was not going to work. Que is on the other side of the veil and he will help Micah and I get our little baby. Right now, Micah and I are in the process of paper work. We hope to be approved for adoption sometime in February. We are so excited! I just know our birth mother is out there. We pray for her every night. I cannot imagine what she is going through, but at the same time we are so excited!

So, this was a really really really long post. I congratulate anyone who completed it. Keep checking back for updates on our adoption!